Tom Brady

Everyone,

I notice that we are constantly referring to Tom Brady (or THE PATRIOT MISSILE, as I prefer to call him) in such a mocking (and sometimes romantic) manner that we forget the utilitarian aspect of dropping his name around the office. I doubt any of us have any sincere feelings for Mr. Brady (or Old' Gimpy, as I will now call him) but we can certainly use our obtained knowledge of this athlete to boost our professional standing with fellow office workers, and especially the management.

Here are some examples:

Boss: Tony, will you please update this and do that and spend the next 3 hours performing skull-scrapingly-dull busy work for me?

Me: Sure thing Boss! I'd love to! Did you see the reports I've already prepared on the new project scheduled to begin next month?

Boss: Are you still talking to me? I think I left my BT on.

See? In this scenario I failed to mention Touch Down Brady Balls, and thus immediately lost the attention and respect of my Boss. Let's try that again...

Boss: Tony, will you please highlight and then unhighlight every name in my address book just to make sure that doing that doesn't actually do anything? Then can you spell check all the icon's on my desktop?

Tony: Anything you say sir! I'll get right to it... just after I'm done praying for Tom Brady's knee. Did you see the 1,000 paper cranes I made for him?

Boss: Promotion!

Bringing up professional sports teams such as The Red Sox, Patriots, or any of the great exploits of Scotty Pippin will instantly excite anyone within a 20ft radius of your cubicle, earning you the respect and adulation of your colleagues! Give it a try and see for yourself!