iCapitalization

Capitalization has been smacked around like Brett Hart being pounded in the head with a folding chair by The Undertaker. (Note: And no! I will not excuse myself for referencing the golden age of WWF! Just as Keats wrote an ode to his Grecian Urn, thus shall I sing the song of greased up men engaged in feigned fisticuffs whilst wrapped tightly in spandex pants of dazzling colours and adorned with various trinkets like a live snake or boot tassels. God bless you Tatonka.)

But I digress.

Capitalization has been kicked in the shins by a single, lower-case, little dipshit -- the "i". Everything in the last 5 years has been presupposed by the impetuous, importuning, piquant, pebble-sized "i". No longer are great names like Spartacus, or titles such as The Illiad valid because no one will pay attention unless its iCeasar or iZeus. Titles aren't even bolstered by numbers anymore, such as 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea, 2001: A Space Odyssey, or even 101 Dalmatians.

Geez... 101 Dalmatians sounds more imposing than an ipod nano frosted mini-wheats or whatever.

It used to be that putting something in Capitol Letters would infuse it with the power of Yahweh himself! NOW YOU CAN WRITE IN ALL CAPS AND NO ONE WILL CARE TO READ THEM EVEN AS THE WORDS SURGE INTO THE SKY ABOVE LIKE THE TOWER OF BABEL!

so just whip out your iBook and read Harry Potter and The Mystery of the Shrunken Cat...

i’s and e’s are the future of our language and there is absolutely no stopping any obtuse mind from pinning their statements with those kitschy trinkets.